Fr. Bassam Nassif is a Professor of Pastoral Theology at the University of St. John of Damascus in Balamand, Lebanon, a priest of the Antiochian Orthodox Church, and the author of several books, including The Mystery of Marriage in the Context of Deconstructionism, published in 2023 by Basilica Publishing House of the Romanian Patriarchate.
In an interview for the #FridayForLife column, Fr. Bassam shows how prayer, forgiveness, and trust in God’s will transform even the hardest trials – including the news of an unexpected pregnancy – into blessings.
“The Family Has the Mission to Sanctify the World”
Basilica.ro: As a professor and priest, how do you see the mission of the Orthodox family in today’s world?
Fr. Bassam Nassif: The Church Fathers have always defined the essential sacred mission for the family as being a “little church” and marriage as a divine mystery. This means that the family has the mission to sanctify the world through living a life of holiness, walking together on a journey toward the eternal Kingdom.
First, the couple need to exchange love and respect. They ought to live in a spiritual and psychological communion, which requires temperance, commitment, fidelity, self-denial and forgiving love. Second, the couple ought to raise their children in the faith, loving God and the Church.
After World War II, many human values collapsed in society and we witnessed a great impact on the family, to the point that we reached a state defined by sociologists as the “post familial family.” This state views the family as a secular endeavor. We have somehow lost that vision of the family as being a household of God, in which one grows in holiness. The family’s mission today is to prepare saints who witness to Christ in a world thirsty for God’s love.
“Marriage Is a Shared Journey Toward Heaven”
Basilica.ro: What are the main challenges that young people face when preparing for marriage, and how can the important people guide them through these challenges?
Fr. BN: Marriage is like a journey of both man and woman in one car to a known destination, which is heaven. In order to prepare for this journey, one needs to get to know the other deeply and seriously, examining the spiritual and psychological state of the other. Very often we cover the real self with a mask. We hear sometimes: “This is not the person I married!” For this reason, it is very important to know the other, his or her heart and aspiration, so that one does not be surprised halfway, that they have nothing to do with each other, since their attraction was an infatuation. They deeply have serious concerns since they have different interests and opposing inclinations. So, fatigue begins on the way. One ought, during the engagement period, to avoid youthful desires that blind the eye. Also, some may think that the abundance of money, the beauty of the body, and the love of social prestige is available for one through the other. All these are deceiving and fleeting.
Most young men and women come to marriage without understanding of what it means to have this journey together, spiritually and psychologically. For example, they often lack knowledge of prayer, confession, and holy communion. Practicing the latter is important for the preparation of marriage. However, the one thing needful to prepare for marriage is to seek a simple and natural person and admire the beauty of his or her soul. The priest, as a spiritual father, can guide us toward discovering the will of God for us, and help us see the weakness and strength of our relationship.
Basilica.ro: “Parents often experience stress, anxiety, or fear when they learn about an unexpected pregnancy. How can the Christian community help them find peace and courage?
Having an unexpected pregnancy in our marital journey is a great temptation we face in our life. On one hand, we may think that our family situation does not allow us to have this new baby. On the other hand, living with the guilt of having abandoned this life secretly eats up marital life and endangers it. Thus, we need to trust in the help and care of God, since everything is in God’s hand. This is the key to overcoming all anxiety.
I have known many couples who were surprised by the pregnancy, but they accepted it as the will of God. After many years, they discovered that this unwanted child was truly God’s will, since this child became their pride and hope in life. This is a great mystery! Conversely, parents may feel alone, but they are not. The faith community needs to show practical support through helping financially. The priest may act as the coordinator of this community support. In addition, there is a need for holy people (abbots, abbesses), whose peaceful and grace-filled presence give spiritual strength to couples who are struggling with their situation.
“Prayer Brings Forgiveness and Healing into Family Life”
Basilica:ro: You have written about healing and growth in family life. How can Christian families cultivate forgiveness and peace at home?
Fr. BN: The complex bonds of relationships between members of the extended family, including memory, family secrets, various degrees of emotions, and shared possessions or homes, create many conflicting self-interests. There is a collision between family and personal freedom. Individualism opens the door for each spouse’s financial independence and freedom of choice, generating many conflicts and leading to higher rates of divorce. Forgiveness thus appears as an unreachable act. However, to overcome all these complexities, we need first to cultivate prayer at home.
Couple ought to get into the custom of praying together from before their wedding day. This communal act helps them overcome their mutual misunderstanding, especially when they say the “Our Father” together: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Within a marriage, it does not matter who errs, or why one does something. The focus ought to be on one’s attempt to heal the issue with care and mercy. Having a peaceful dialogue, upholding empathic listening, and negotiating to resolve conflict are important skills that express care and love. Turning toward the marital spouse using effective communication skills brings comfort and consolation to marriage, opens the way for unity and reconciliation, and allows the children to have a healthy environment to grow.
“The Human Person – Created in God’s Image and Bearing Divine Dignity”
Basilica:ro In your view, how can the Orthodox understanding of the human person – created in the image of God – help society rediscover the value of life and human dignity from conception?
Fr. BN: The Orthodox understanding of the human person is what saves the world today. The Church teaches that life is a sacred gift from God and human conception is a divine mystery. The human being is a unified entity of body, soul, and spirit. Humans are not just about rationality, autonomy, and freedom, but also about immortality and the ability of knowing God and be partakers of the divine nature (2 Peter 1:4).
Since humans are teleologically inclined to behold and share the divine splendor, they carry divine dignity. They have the eternal potential to grow and realize this deep longing to unity with God. Certainly, this Orthodox understanding of anthropology impacts human life, vocation, goal, and role. Human life is not limited to just biological, psychological, and social health, but essentially to the enlivening spirit of the grace of God.
The Church therefore helps faithful families to seek God’s will when faced with physical ailments and psychological difficulties, to hold fast to the hope that “does not disappoint” (Romans 5:5), and to rely on God when confronted with various forms of suffering.
“Love Is a Cross That Leads to Joy and Glory”
Basilica.ro: Many couples struggle to keep love and faith alive in marriage. What spiritual and practical advice would you offer them?
Fr. BN: First of all, we need to realize that marriage is a lifelong journey. This journey goes through mountains and valleys, ups and downs, etc. Life is full of surprises, and our journey is marred with pitfalls and obstacles, and oftentimes criticism, contempt, and deceptions. “I am married” means I am ready to labor for the Kingdom, to pay any price, and endure any difficulty. We cannot break off our marriage at the first problem we face. We should not be shocked that as humans we change over time. Our body, mind, psychology, and even the intensity of our faith and love. On our way, we may discover that love is actually a crucifixion that carries pain and opens the way to joy and glory.
The challenge is to bear with one another as the Apostle Paul commands, “with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love” (Eph. 4:2). However, this attitude needs to be persistent, and as Christ reminds, the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. However, we cannot stand firm to the end by ourselves, but with the help of God and the guidance of our spiritual father. The grace of God helps us when we are humble and acknowledge our weaknesses, asking for God’s mercy. Christ cautioned us about the future challenges, saying: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
Credit Photo: University of Balamand
