Fr. Narcis Stupcanu, a priest serving at the St. Paraskeva Parish in Berceni, Bucharest, said in an interview with Trinitas TV that one of the main problems affecting families today is individualism.
“We have become very selfish and expect more from the other person than from ourselves,” the priest said.
He noted that many people tend to demand more from their spouse than to offer themselves in the relationship, although family life is built on the willingness to give and concrete acts of love between husband and wife.
“When we try to give ourselves within the family, the other person will certainly feel moved to respond to this sacrifice. This sacrificial love shows us that we must be equally involved in everything that protects the family,” he said.
Fr Stupcanu also pointed to the teaching of Paul the Apostle in chapter five of the Epistle to the Ephesians, where the relationship between husband and wife is compared to that between Christ and the Church.
“If the Saviour Christ went so far as to sacrifice Himself for His Church, then the husband must likewise give everything for his wife and family, even to the point of self-sacrifice, just as Christ did,” he added.
Choosing a Life Partner
Speaking about choosing a life partner, the priest said that young people are often tempted to focus on superficial criteria, such as material status or outward appearances, rather than on love.
“These things are not what matter; what matters are my feelings for the other person,” he said.
He added that many people expect too much from their partner while overlooking their own weaknesses.
“I cannot look for someone ideal who fulfils all the physical, personal and spiritual qualities I desire. I must first consider my own shortcomings,” he said.
Fr Stupcanu also addressed the issue of cohabitation, stressing that the relationship between a man and a woman finds its fulfilment in the sacrament of marriage.
“The two become one body, and this mystery is great. I no longer belong to myself but to my wife, and she belongs to me. This mystery, which concerns the body but above all the soul, should exist only between husband and wife and not before or outside marriage.”
Lack of Communication
Another factor contributing to family conflict, he said, is the lack of communication. Many tensions arise when spouses no longer make time to speak openly about their problems.
“They should set aside time to discuss all family matters. Even if they come home late, it is essential to go out together or spend a few hours talking about the issues that affect their relationship,” the priest advised.
“We live in a society where we spend much of our time at work. Often we end up discussing more things with colleagues than we do at home with our husband or wife, and this can lead to a cooling of the relationship.”
The Role of the Spiritual Father and Prayer
In times of crisis, the guidance of a spiritual father and a strong spiritual life can become an important support for families, Fr Stupcanu said.
“The spiritual father can usually see the mistakes of both spouses and can open new perspectives for resolving them,” he explained.
“The spiritual father is the person who can objectively see the breaks between the two spouses. There is no problem that cannot be resolved. What matters is the willingness to make concessions rather than remain trapped in the thought that the other person is at fault.”
He added that the work of the spiritual father is strengthened through prayer, which helps unite family members and gives them the strength to overcome trials.
“Prayer is nothing other than our dialogue with God. And when we are in dialogue with God, everything becomes possible.”
Fr Stupcanu concluded by saying, “Prayer is the best medicine for the problems of life. This dialogue with God builds both us and those around us, because when members of the family see that we are close to God, they too will draw closer to Him.”
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